Wonder Woman (Vol. II) #188
Writer/Penciller: Phil Jimenez
Inker: Andy Lanning
Colorist: Trish Mulvihill
Separator: Wildstorm FX
Editor: Eddie Berganza
DC Comics, 2003
by Rich Thigpen
What does Wonder Woman do when she gets horny? According to this story, she tries on every article of clothing in her "invisible closet" and attempts to seduce her boyfriend by bonding with his family.
Our story begins with Princess Diana's boyfriend, Trevor, relaxing with his family in Charlotte, North Carolina. Diana shows up unannounced on his doorstep, obviously in desperate need of attention—obvious because she's dressed in Lynda Carter's '70s outfit, complete with high heels, cape, and a two-foot magic "lasso" that's useless for anything but a bondage scene.
Diana's soon visiting Trevor's teenage nephew, Bobby, who is quite a fan of hers—his room is filled with Wonder Woman posters (with the exception of a solitary football poster so we won't think he's too obsessive). Rather than keep her distance from this aspiring stalker, Diana decides the way into Trevor's pants might be through his nephew (yuck), so she invites him to hang out with her on her "errands" the following day. She also invites Trevor's whole family to a party she's hosting on Themyscira, glossing over the fact that the last time she did something like that all of the guests were nearly killed.
After dinner, Diana has inexplicably changed into her riding outfit and tells Trevor she's staying at a hotel in town. I should note here that Diana's currently living in an expensive New York penthouse, so the fact that she could fly home in minutes yet is staying the night in a nearby hotel tells us exactly what she was hoping to ride after dinner. Speaking of that apartment, we learned in a previous issue that the Amazons are the ones footing the bill for Diana's extravagant lifestyle. Since they live on an island without currency, you have to wonder how they're paying for stuff. Since they're all centuries old, are they just auctioning off the whatnots laying around their houses? "This authentic Greek urn from 500 B.C. was once peed in by Heracles himself—what am I bid?" But I digress.
The next morning, Diana comes to pick up Bobby on an invisible flying motorcycle (which you just know has to look weird to people watching her from the ground). Luckily, she has the perfect motocross outfit to wear with it, complete with helmet (in case she falls off or flies into a bird, I guess). She's not in it for long, though, as she twirls around and changes into yet another variation of her familiar costume. Her lasso is a little longer this time around, though, so maybe she's actually planning to use it?
We next have some more opportunities for Diana to change her clothes: appearing on a talk show in a sensible pantsuit (which would have been even more sensible at dinner the previous day); practicing martial arts in gym gear; and skateboarding in her special "skateboarding outfit," complete with helmet and guards for her shins and elbows (which you'd think she might want to consider wearing when she's getting pounded into the pavement by the super-villain-of-the-month, and not just when she ollies down stairs). She then changes into a star-spangled wetsuit (since long hair like hers must take forever to dry) and teases a great white shark with her breasts and thighs before changing into one of her '90s ensembles to visit the offices of her Wonder Woman Foundation.
Returning Bobby to his home, Diana has changed clothes yet again—this time to a denim jacket and jeans over a lace bodice she picked up at Victoria's Secret. Figuring she has plenty of clothes to share, she gives Bobby a "Wonder Boy" t-shirt as a souvenir, which I guess is better than one that says "I spent the whole day with Wonder Woman and all I got was this stupid T-shirt." Bobby's mom, who has been icy towards Diana this whole time, finally says why—she doesn't want her brother or son to be hurt by Diana. Diana blows her off—after all, Wonder Woman's friends don't get killed by her but by her dozens of enemies. Also, maybe it's because Diana doesn't have the best track record with teenagers (her first teenage friend became a deranged super-villain and tried to kill her second teenage bud), but I have to side with Bobby's mom on this one. Bobby would be Diana's third teenage friend, and no matter what else, you just know someone's going to be gunning for the kid.
Everyone else goes to off to bed, hoping Wonder Woman will take the hint and finally go home (don't you just hate guests that never leave?). However, she sees this as her opportunity to finally be alone with Trevor (who even asks her, "What are you doing here?"). Unfortunately, their conversation forces Diana to go a couple of pages without changing her outfit, so she has a hissy fit and starts yelling at her intended sexual conquest. I'm sure many straight guys have also experienced this phenomenon...
Of course, Diana realizes it's just the sexual frustration talking (she is, after all, the only member of the Justice League who's still a virgin, and there's only so much teasing a princess can take from musclebound guys in spandex) and regains her composure before pushing her big studmuffin too far away, which takes us to Trevor's parents finding the lovebirds on the couch the next morning with some clothes scattered about. Seeing as how they'd only removed their shoes and jackets, though, I'm betting it was just a gropefest and not the whole shebang (so to speak). Besides, I don't think the living room of her adult boyfriend's parents' house was the ideal place to get busy, anyway. What's next? Cruising in the bushes of Central Park?
Diana gets one more change of clothes for hanging out with her sister before changing into her regular togs for the party and her big speech. Since literally everyone she knows is there (even her mother's ghost!), it's a good thing Diana is able to deliver her spiel without a hint of the sexual tension that dominated her actions earlier in the story. So maybe she did get some release with Trevor, after all. Or maybe she was just wearing everything in her closet one last time before tossing it and buying new stuff. I guess her obsession with clothes is one of the reasons why so many gay men identify with the amazing Amazon.
A computer consultant by profession, Rich Thigpen does a fair bit of development and volunteer work with various nonprofits and serves as Prism Comics' organizational consultant. He lives in Los Angeles with two very possessive felines.
All images and characters TM and © 2003 of DC Comics, Inc. Review © 2004 by Rich Thigpen.
Prism Comics promotes the works of the LGBT community in comics. It does not implicitly endorse any other material or products associated with those works. Any opinions expressed are those of the author(s).