Despite what the world at large thinks, there are many good things about France. They have great cheese and wine. Their catacombs are second to none, despite what the Romans may say. They have a popular style of kissing named after them. And insofar as Class Comics is concerned, the French boast some of the beefiest and best-endowed men around – in two centuries nonetheless! – as they went international (male) this year, translating and releasing The Pornomicon, the genre-crossing gay comic gore-child of French writer/illustrator Logan.
Yeah, “Logan.” Like “Cher,” or “Scully.”
This is a very good thing.
The Pornomicon borrows heavily from H. P. Lovecraft’s Cthulhu mythos. In fact, if H. P. Lovecraft were gay and not dead and didn’t hate people so much, he might have written The Pornomicon. As it turns out though, HPL was successfully channeled by Logan in his story about what happens when an evil is inadvertently unleashed in the midst of hot man-on-man butt-sex.
I got away with saying “cock” before. Can I say “butt-sex”?
Oh! I guess I can!
Anyone who is not familiar with HPL should do themselves a favor and read at least one of his stories. In and of themselves they are damn scary, plus they may help some unfamiliar readers out with the references in The Pornomicon. There are so many stories about Cthulhu’s minions cross-breeding with humanity, that to add a gay twist to it seems completely in the realm of possibility. Logan puts forth that The Pornomicon, a tome of dark, dark magic, exists as a companion book the HPL’s The Necronomicon. The Pornomicon belongs to a deity called Yog-Sototh and to read from the book is to be devoured body and soul by Yog-Sototh and his minions. While Logan’s artistic style is very similar to Patrick Fillion’s (though Logan prefers the bearish types over the twinkies), his storytelling is altogether different. Obviously. It’s not exactly horror and it’s not exactly porn (in the sense that it provokes a strong sexual response, unless you enjoy a lot of viscosity and tentacle-iness in your sex. And who doesn’t? I mean, besides Dick Cheney. Wait. He may actually like that.), but it is atmospheric enough to draw readers in and keep them reading, whether it’s for the huge men and their huge cocks, or for the disturbing sex with monsters (if you’re into that sort of thing), or for the general cold-knife-in-my-belly horror from watching the disturbing sex with monsters.
The book begins with Arthur, a Templar knight recently returned home from the Crusades, bearing with him a mysterious tome – The Pornomicon. He brings it to his abbot friend Brother Carmichael, hoping the monk can determine if it holds Satanic powers or not. And ah! Monks. Even as far back as the Guthlac Scrolls, people have kept a suspicious eye on these boisterous cloisterers. And why not? The Jesuits with their universities. The Trappists with their yeasty breads and beers. And, shockingly enough, these Dominicans with their sodomy and willing, skillful apprentices. They all seem ripe for damnation.
As Arthur has knightly parts serviced by Apprentice Guillaume, Brother Carmichael reads the damned text (aloud, of course, because everyone knows the best way to thin out the cast of a horror story is to have someone read a damned text aloud) and transforms Arthur into a vessel for Cthulhu – a very well-and-multiply-hung (he manages to penetrate said apprentice in one side and out the other, and the brother at both ends – all at the same time! Again, not very sexy, but very memorable) demon who doesn’t really have an evil, sexy agenda that we learn of, because that story ends. Switch to a modern art gallery wherein a sculptor has been telling the story of the monk to sell his Cthulhu statue to a prospective buyer. It’s an effective transition, but anyone who’s ever read HPL knows that a good Old Ones story can’t end that way – with everyone still sane and on their feet. Pick it up to see what happens.
I wish The Pornomicon were not a one-shot. If it had more time and more pages, I think the stories, like the evil they tell about, could go on forever – “The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young on Fire Island.” “The Cum Out of Space.” “The Trick on the Doorstep.” “Divine Secrets of the Iä Iä Sisterhood” (OK, I stole that idea from the card game Cthulhu 500). “Yog-Shuggoth Does Yemen.” “The Elder Things Need Viagra!” Seriously. Forever. As it is, the stories end too abruptly for me. I definitely wanted more. Stories. Not tentacle-y penises.
All in all, Logan does a great job adapting the most evil stories in the world to gay sex comics. I know it sounds horrible, but it’s true. Check it out!
Editor's note: Buy this comic here or ask for it at your local comics shop.